a lifetime of stories

it's been a while since I saw you, you look nice.

2011-07-11T08:30:00.000-07:00

So I've been a little mia and by a while I mean probably about 7 or 8 months, but as they say some things get better with age, I like to think that this is how this thing works. Honestly I was starting to feel bad that I was blogging more about technology for a class than I did about what I really cared about, so I figured I needed to shape up a little. So lets see what's new in life, well actually what isn't new in life would be a much better question to ask. Everything in my life has seemed to change over the past 2 months and I am left here trying to keep up with the changes. I'm almost done with my grad school summer school classes, PTL, i've been working at a tiny gas station restaurant, and I start student teaching in about a month.

This summer has been a weird one for me. I've been in this city that I've only ever known with all my friends around and now I'm in this city with half of my friends missing and I'm trying to figure out how I fit into it, it's taking a little bit of time, but I think i'm gonna get the hang of it. But more than that this summer has reminded me about how good God continually is, even when I don't immediately see it. It's like as soon as I think I understand something more about God, I am immediately surprised by something new. And I love that feeling of surprise that I get, I am grateful for the chance to have that sense of awe at something. When we lose our sense of wonder we lose more than we know, with wonder, comes amazement, and amazement shows us we're not as big as we think we are and that helps us stay humble.

I want to end this with a poem that I found written in my old journal I was looking through earlier, it doesn't have a name, but that's okay.

I never said it would be easy
and I never said that it would be fair.
But you'll walk the road the same
because you know I'm waiting there.
It's not because I want to test you
or because I think you are untrue.
But it's just one of those things I know you have to do.
So please don't be afraid I'll always hold your hand
and when you're feet get tired
I'll give you my legs to stand.

words unspoken

2010-11-27T16:51:00.000-08:00

words that are unspoken
are the ones we crave the most
we long for there release
into a world full of unknowns
they hold in them a freedom
to us both rescidents and slaves
to what could be said
longing for words that would save
to answer all our questions
and ease a broken heart
remind us of missed chances
and showing us a new place to start
words left unspoken
they hold a sacred key
hiding all our thoughts
under a veil of mystery
allowing us to live
in a world that few will ever see
until the words unspoken
become words that are now free.

letters.

2010-08-12T16:52:00.000-07:00

oh my it has been quite a long time since i have put anything on here. I suppose this is for a few different reasons. One school consumed my life last semester, two I'm kind of lazy, three I haven't had anything that i thought was worthwhile enough to write about, and four I kind of forgot about it for a while.
But the past week or so I've been hanging out around my house done with work at camp for the summer and passing time before it's time to go back to school, so i've had a lot of time to think about things and clean up and stumble upon old cards and letters.
One of the letters I found is from right after I graduated high school right before i went to school and it was from a woman at my church. The letter had this passage Colossians 3:12 "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and deeply loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience" She then went on to write how she saw all of those traits in me and as I read it I couldn't help but smile because all of those are pretty great things to be. I also realized that I think I may have lost some of those things in the past couple of years so my goal this next year is to live out that verse in my daily life. To be all of those traits, but mostly to have those things so engrained in my heart that others can see them because they are that much a part of me.
So here's to a new school year, new memories, new setbacks, new things to learn, and most of all seeing God in new places, and a little bit of the old mixed in with all the new.

thanks

2010-01-13T10:19:00.000-08:00

this morning I woke up with this real assurance that today was going to be a good day. It's as if despite everything that I have to do and tests I don't have to take, that life is overwhelmingly beautiful and abundant, and that feeling has been refreshing beyond belief. for constant assurance and a new refreshing I am thankful.

101 in 1001

2009-12-20T20:16:00.001-08:00

okay so this is a list that I started making last christmas break after i had spent about a week and a half in mexico on a mission trip. on the plane ride back my friend nathan and I decided to make a list of 101 things that we wanted to accomplish in the next 1001 days, which when you do the math is a little less than 3 years. so while there isn't a real date on when we started trying to accomplish these tasks, it is a list none the less. here it goes.
1)sleep on a roof under the stars
2)see the west coast
3)learn a new language
4)spend a day reading to kids in the hospital
5)get a tattoo
6)spend a day in a new city
7)paint a picture
8)journal about everything on this list
9)go a month with limited electronic use
10)make a new word that people actually use
11)go on weekend trips with my parents
12)learn how to swim
13)see New York City
14)learn to drive a manual
15)plant a tree
16)become more health conscious
17)watch the sunrise with a cup of coffee
18)spend a day with my grandma
19)go sailing
20)learn a new trade
21)still be involved with big brother/ big sister
22)read through the whole Bible
23)leave notes of encouragement in random places
24)send a secret into postsecret
25)start reading the news
26)go hiking
27)get 5 more passport stamps
28)read 10 books off the top 100 books
29)be a bell ringer for the Salvation Army
30)live on $30 for a month
31)write more letters
32)use less sarcasm
33)listen to people's stories
34)exercise three times a week
35)learn more about photography
36)go to an AWESOME concert
37)plant a garden
38)watch Toby graduate
39)spend a summer away from home
40)go sky diving
41)visit Adrian and Lula
42)make memories
43)have a 4.0 semester
44)study other religions
45)make a life soundtrack
46)learn to play the guitar
47)declutter my life
48)pierce my cartilage
49)do something that completely terrifies me
50)make a kite and fly it
51)spend a day outside reading and praying
52)go to a circus
53)make all the christmas gifts that I give
54)learn to knit
55)go to an Art Museum
56)go on a picninc
57)roadtrip with Toby
58)build a fort
59)make a budget
60)visit Ashleigh in Delaware
61)complain less
62)plan ahead
63)get a rule put in the JBC handbook
64)make a Tin Can Phone
65)fast
66)cook for TC and Kayla
67)plan a surprise party
68)don't drink soda for a year
69)lather, rinse, repeat
70)make cookies from scratch
71)donate my hair
72)start paying off loans
73)wish at 11:11
74)sing in the rain
75)learn to change my oil
76)cook dinner for my family
77)go to a drive-in
78)document a week of my life with hourly pictures
79)be in a movie
80)sleep for 30 hours in a 48 hour period
81)learn how to change a flat tire
82)go to a broadway show
83)go on daily walks for a month
84)roadtrip with friends
85)make a snow angel
86)climb a tree
87)start a prayer journal and maintain it
88)visit 5 new states
89)learn to play the harmonica
90)finger paint
91)go to a wonderful place (island) *(this was added to my list by one of my campers this summer Kyasia, if an 8 year old tells you to do it, you have to)
92)
93)
94)
95)
96)mail a random object without putting it in a box.
97)
98)
99)
100)
101)write a book about this list
*yes i know some of the list is not filled in, but hey i have 3 years to try and do all this let me have some room for new ideas.

i think...

2009-12-18T15:17:00.000-08:00

I think I'd be much wiser if I only used my ears.
If I'd let them live up to their potential and I wasn't afraid to hear.
I think I'd go much farther if I only used my feet.
If I'd let them do the walking without letting my brain compete.
I think I'd be more helpful if I just used my hands.
If I'd accept the work I am given and if I never told myself I can't.
I think I'd move some mountains if I only just believed.
If I'd do what I've been told and had faith the size of a mustard seed.
I think,
I think,
I think,
but I very rarely do.
But one day I'll do more than I think
For my thinking leads to action, which always leads to you.

off the top of my head.

2009-11-28T19:33:00.001-08:00

i told you once
i told you twice
can't that be enough?
will it ever suffice?
my words are pure
my promises true
everything I do is what's best for you
sometimes it's hard to believe in what you can't see
but that's why I gave you faith in me.
this blessed assurance can always ring true
i'm daily on this walk with you
i know it gets scary
and it often gets tough
but i want you to know you'll always have more than enough
though you can't always see it,
my path is clear
remember i'll never leave you dear.
i'm holding your hand and i'll lead you along
if you listen you can hear me, though my voice might not be strong
for i don't like to yell and i won't often shout
but if you listen for my whisper i'll remove all your doubt
i'll never let you hold more than you can bear
i'll help you with the weight of it that's why i'm right here
i love you more than you could ever know or feel
but none the less i assure you it's real
so take my hand and walk with me
there is so much of this world i want you to see
you'll go many places
shake things up
move lots of mountains
no matter how tough
that's why I love you
no matter the cost
because of your faith
my death was not a loss.

what was i thinking

2009-11-27T20:46:00.000-08:00

So it's official, you may in fact make fun of me, mock me, and point and laugh next time i walk by because I have started a blog. I never thought that this would happen to me and I don't know what I was thinking, but it's official so i might as well use it right? But this also means that the whole world will now in fact be able to see my poor grammar and judge me on my misuse of commas and capitalization, if I thought more than 3 people would actually read this I might be intimidated by that fact, but somehow I think i'll survive.
Yesterday was thanksgiving and I realized that I have an abundance of blessings in my life. These range from things like the generic family and friends, to things like i'm glad that i got to spend my summer in delaware, i'm thankful that i'm being forced to do things that scare me like planning this trip to haiti, i'm thankful that i get to wake up every morning and know God is watching over me, and i'm thankful that i'm being taught how to be happy regardless of my material possessions. As thanksgiving was drawing to end yesterday i began to get discouraged by the number of commercials that I was seeing telling me that to be happy I needed to go out the next morning and spend lots of money on my loved ones. It is just hard to see how we can shift for a day focused on the blessings that we have and what we are grateful for, most of which are things you cannot buy, and then the next holiday that we celebrate is based on buying our happiness. I just wonder when Christmas shifted from the holiday to remember the birth of our savior into a day where we celebrate greed and material happiness. I guess i just want to see people be reminded of what is really important in life and that we all have much more than we need. But it takes time to learn and I have to continue to be patient with other people and know that change takes time, all I can do is try to show people another way and pray I make a difference.
I feel like i'm going to look back on this post one day and think why is there not something more earth shattering and prophetic, but hey this is my first post so I get some leeway, but you can expect to a list of 101 things to do in 1001 days, and all the adventures that that list will bring so brace yourselves for what is coming.